November 16, 2020 – Head in the Sand

I wish I had stayed home today but I needed groceries so there was no getting around it. I had a good attitude when I left my house, but as usual, I returned with a rather somber disposition. What is up with humanity? People act so ugly towards each other. I just don’t understand it. And what I really find confounding is what comes out of people’s mouths. Do they hear themselves? I have heard people say the most violent, hateful things towards their children and/or spouses and/or whoever happens to be with them at that particular time. Today, as I was standing in an aisle at the grocery store and looking for some Chai Tea, trying to mind my own business, a family of four walked past. Their group consisted of, as best I can tell, a mother and a father and their two young sons. Dear old dad, as he was right alongside me, said aloud to one of his sons, “In about 6 seconds, I’m going to punch you in the mouth.”

Isn’t that lovely? And that’s not the worst I’ve heard. People say just awful things to their children. And I’m the kind of person that thinks, if they can say those things in public, what’s going on behind closed doors? Is he going to go home and punch his son in the mouth because his son asked incessantly if he could have a bag of corn chips at the grocery store? Or worse, is he going to put him in a dog crate and lock him up for days? Or even worse? I don’t want to think about it. I’ve read enough stories about what people do to their offspring that I just want to dig a hole out in my backyard and climb in. It’s a sad state of affairs we’re living in. You just look around you when you leave your home and you think to yourself, “We’re in BIG trouble.”

If I had to choose a super power, the last thing I’d want to be able to do is read people’s minds. My husband can often read mine and I can often read his, but I think it’s because we’ve been together so long and it’s all pretty harmless anyway. Most of the time, we are ‘predicting’ what the other one wants for supper. And I don’t even know if ‘reading my mind’ is an accurate statement because when he guesses I want ‘Chinese food’, he knows he’s got a one-in-three chance of making an accurate prediction. On most days, when I don’t feel like cooking, it’s either Chinese food (soooooo good), pizza or fish and chips. I’m pretty predictable, what can I say? Aside from guessing what the other person wants for dinner, I don’t think I want to know what’s going on inside his head nor he in mine. And I definitely do not want to know everything you’re thinking either. People have pretty dark thoughts. I have dark thoughts. Believe me, you do not want to know what’s going on inside my head all of the time. I do share a lot of it with you, but I don’t share everything.

I wish I could say Covid-19 was to blame for people’s behavior but I think we were in a world of hurt long before the pandemic really brought out ‘the best’ in us. You read the news and you just shake your head. What’s with all the people going bananas over masks? Someone actually killed one of the store associates at a Dollar Store because they were asked to put on a mask? Come on! These poor store associates are maybe making minimum wage and they’re putting their necks on the line for all of us. They’re just doing what they were told to do. I wouldn’t want their job. You couldn’t pay me enough. If I catch Covid-19, I’ve got a higher chance than most of dying from it. I had a kidney transplant and I’m on immunosuppressants, so every time I walk out the door, I’m putting my life at risk. But I have to leave on occasion. I cannot stay inside my home for months at a time or I’m going to end up in a straight jacket and locked in a padded cell. If I go to the Dollar Store and one of the employees asks me to put on a mask when I enter, I’m going to put it on. And I’m not going to give them a bunch of grief about it.

When the whole Covid-19 first happened and several mandates were put into place, half the people where I live took it seriously and the other half didn’t. Masks were required indoors, no ifs, ands or buts. I took it seriously because in my case, Covid-19 can finish me off pretty easily (at least that’s what the experts say). I know we’re all going to die someday but I’m not ready to die just yet. I went to a lot of trouble to extend my life by getting a kidney transplant, so I’m trying to be a good steward to my secondhand kidney. My brother gave up a lot when he gave that to me. But am I going to stab someone or shoot them or punch them or curse them out because they choose not to wear a mask? No, I’m not. I might think about doing it, but I’m not going to. Why? Well, I’d just really rather not spend the rest of my life in prison. I was a criminal justice major for a short time in my life before I decided that’s not the career I wanted to pursue, and I can tell you, you do not want to end up in a ‘corrections facility’.

Unfortunately, I have seen people get awfully worked up and come close to making some really bad decisions that could have resulted in some serious jail or prison time. There was one day when I went to Harbor Freight to purchase some gloves and a couple of ‘gentlemen’ were standing in line. One had on a mask, one did not. The one that was wearing a mask looked over at me and then started talking about what should happen to people that don’t wear masks. I just listened but didn’t say anything. It sounded like a trap that I didn’t want to get caught in, kind of like when people start talking about politics or religion or abortion. Not going to go there with you, my friend! Of course, the other ‘gentleman’ that wasn’t wearing his mask decided to offer up his two cents. I looked over at him and I actually felt fear. Not for me, for him! I wanted to tell him, “Stop talking, dumb-dumb! That guy’s a lot bigger than you. You’re playing with fire. This isn’t going to end well.” But I stayed silent as he walked ever so confidently into the trap. I’m not going to give you the play-by-play but I’ll put it this way, threats were made and ugly words were exchanged. There was even a suggestion, “Let’s take this outside and I’ll kick your *ss!” I felt like I was back in middle school again.

Where do we go from here? I think I’m going to just try and stay home as much as I possibly can from here on out. I’m going to place and keep my ‘head in the sand’ for as long as it takes. My mom did it for most of her life and it seemed to work for her. Ignorance is bliss, after all. Hopefully, I won’t suffocate but if I do, maybe it’s a better ending than where we, humanity, seem to be headed. Sorry to be so dark but I told you when I go out amongst other humans, I often return with a rather somber disposition. I just don’t know what it’s going to take to get people to start treating one another with some kindness and compassion. What’s with all the anger directed towards each other? Everyone’s hurting right now, everyone’s in pain. But lashing out at one another isn’t the answer. We aren’t animals. Our brains are far more advanced. We as homo sapiens have the ability to think and react. Why then is everyone acting so primal? We are better than that. Let’s do better. Enough said.

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