May 1, 2021 – The Latest

Alright, Safeway, we need to have a talk. Once again I have fallen for your ruse, hook, line, and sinker. When I heard you brought back the Monopoly Game, my heart nearly skipped a beat. The day the contest kicked off, I made a beeline for the nearest store with the hope that ‘maybe this time’ I’d be one of the lucky big winners. I’ve made several trips, truth be told. The last time I went was yesterday afternoon. The bottom of my receipt indicated that I had won 168 tickets and you’d better believe I made sure I got all 168. The young male cashier tried to hand me a paltry sum that was nowhere near what I won, so I called him out and he did eventually do right by me. He must have known I meant business because he didn’t argue, he just hustled to a special room in the store, grabbed several boxes, returned to the checkout, plucked out a fairly large stack of tickets from one of the boxes, and handed them over.

Do I have a problem? I suppose you could say that I do. What’s funny is that I’ve been giving my husband a bunch of grief over his obsessiveness when it comes to ‘things’, but I’m no better. All week long, I’ve been thinking about what I could possibly buy at Safeway in order to acquire yet another ticket, possibly the ticket that will award me with $1,000 in groceries, or a new car, or a new house! I feel like Charlie in ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’, hoping beyond hope that I’ll be the one to find the ‘golden ticket’. I know, I sound like one of those people that keeps wasting money on lottery tickets and I actually rarely buy them because the odds are so terrible. Fortunately, the odds are much better with Safeway Monopoly. At least, that is, if your only goal is to ‘win’ a whole bunch of bottled water (or random groceries). What is that all about anyway? Is that the Universe having a laugh at my expense?

Months ago, I actually wrote a 5-part post about ‘Saving the World’ and one of the main things I emphasized was not to buy bottled water. Do you want to know how many damn bottles I’ve ‘won’ through Safeway? I believe, as of yesterday afternoon, I am at 43. Yes, forty-three bottles of water! Do I appear dehydrated or something? Or maybe they know how I get when the contest kicks off, standing at the counter in the kitchen or sitting on the couch in the TV room for hours at a time, tearing off the ends of each ticket and carefully scanning each one, without taking a single break. Maybe they’re concerned that I’ll wind up in the hospital as a result of dehydration and they’re trying to ward it off by supplying me with plenty of water. If they’re really concerned about me, what I could really use is a massage. My neck is sore from spending so much time on my phone (scanning the tickets). And my wrists and hands are sore (from tearing the ends off).

I am happy to say that despite having won a ridiculous quantity of ‘water’, I have actually won some decent prizes. I did use nearly 300 tokens for $25 off a grocery purchase and I also redeemed several more to ‘purchase’ 5 gas/grocery rewards. I’m not sure when that $25 is supposed to kick in because I did spend $40 yesterday at Safeway and it didn’t apply the discount so I’m not sure what’s going on there. I’m going to be really unhappy that I went through all of that trouble if they don’t pony up the $25 at some point. Seriously, I had a heck of a time getting all of that blue dye off my hands! I think I also developed a bit of carpal tunnel. Maybe the ibuprofen I won will help with the pain in my wrists? Actually, I’m probably going to have to give that to a friend because ibuprofen isn’t good for kidneys. The last thing I want to do is screw up my one kidney because I couldn’t see some ‘perfectly good ibuprofen’ go to waste. Not going to happen, my friends!

In the past, I treated my body like a garbage can. When I’d buy a dozen donuts, I couldn’t stand to see a single one go to waste so I usually ended up eating the entire box (within a day or two). Speaking of donuts, I noticed that Safeway has removed ‘donuts and bagels’ from their list of prizes. What a relief! I won so many last year that we couldn’t get through them fast enough. Because I hate to waste food, eventually I took to freezing them with the hope that in time they would be consumed. I even stocked up on cream cheese. I really had the best of intentions but I won’t do that again. Guess what happened two days ago? Our freezer kicked the bucket. I don’t even want to talk about all of the stuff I had to throw away; amongst them were several bags of Safeway bagels. It’s actually been a rather odd week. I have to tell you, the last few days have consisted of one ‘head scratcher’ after another.

Has this ever happened to you? On Monday, while walking my dog and minding my own business, the oddest thing occurred. We were heading down a street that had no sidewalks so I was walking on the left (with my dog) facing traffic. There is gravel off to the side but I like to stay on the asphalt (unless a car approaches). As we merrily made our way down the road, after stopping by and saying ‘hello’ to the horse with no name, two cars approached. In order to give the cars plenty of room to pass and avoid being struck, I stepped off the asphalt and onto the gravel. Immediately after I moved off the asphalt, as the first car came right alongside me, a dog flew out the rear window and landed at my feet. When the person in the vehicle realized what happened, they stopped. A very grumpy man emerged from the vehicle and approached me, reassuring me the dog was not aggressive, just dumb. It took some doing but he eventually coaxed it back.

I hope that guy learned not to drive with the windows down after that. If he does, he cannot be much brighter than the dog. I’ve also had some noteworthy experiences with what-I-am-going-to-now-refer-to-as my ‘bipolar heart’. Ever since my transplant, my blood pressure has been in the toilet. Both of the specialists I see have recommended ‘salt’ and lots of it. I salt the heck out of everything and it hasn’t helped. Whenever I make french fries, my husband has to gulp water to wash it all down. When I told my local specialist that it wasn’t helping, he recommended bumping up my steroids. That worked for two days (long enough for me to give the upstairs shower a good scrubbing) and then its effectiveness fizzled out. Two days ago, the same day the freezer died, I woke up with vertigo and low blood pressure. Seriously?! There’s nothing quite like waking up to a spinning room, especially when you haven’t even had any alcohol.

At my husband’s urging, I called my doctor. I had been putting it off because I hate to be a pest but that prompted me to reach out. My doc didn’t waste any time scheduling an echocardiogram in addition to prescribing a new medication. I picked up the prescription yesterday but I haven’t yet taken any of it. Why? Because when I woke up yesterday, my blood pressure was excellent and I felt terrific! Huh? See what I mean, I think I’ve got a ‘bipolar heart’. From one day to the next, I have no idea what it’s going to do. One minute it’s fine, and the next it’s barely pumping hard enough to get sufficient oxygen to my brain. The other news that made this week stand out? Well, you’ll probably be disappointed to hear but I quit the gallery. My heart just isn’t in it, and that’s exactly what I told the lady (my friend) that handles the memberships. The monthly ‘switch out’ is taking place this weekend and I couldn’t think of a single thing to bring. I’m just going to pick up the two pieces I left there back in March and call it good.

The last thing I wanted to bring up is that I had my Covid-19 antibody test yesterday. I’m not sure how long it will take to get the results back but a lot is riding on it. I will need to make additional revisions to our upcoming trip depending on what the outcome is. And while I’m on the topic, I should mention (although I’ll probably regret it) that I changed our travel dates again. I know, it’s beyond ridiculous how many times I’ve changed our itinerary. I’m going to just blame it on my astrological sign. What else do you expect from a Pisces? I should give ‘American Idol’ some credit, too. When they didn’t have their ‘regular’ Sunday and Monday shows, it totally screwed me up. I turned on the TV and watched the network that it’s normally shown on just long enough to watch Frances McDormand howl. I wasn’t sure if I was watching outtakes or what the heck was going on. What I did know was that it clearly was not American Idol!

Anyway, that’s ‘the latest’. Oh, hang on…I do have one more thing to share. My niece, who happens to have a pretty bizarre sense of humor, recommended a show on Netflix to me a couple of days ago. I will tell you this, it is not for the faint of heart. The title of the show is called ‘Worn Stories’. I had no idea what it was about but I sure got an eyeful in a hurry. After I watched the first episode, I think I suffered from temporary blindness. I’m not going to give anything away, but just know there are a lot of ‘flesh tones’ featured. My niece lives several states away but I’m pretty sure I could hear her cackling (as I was watching). When I wrote her afterward and asked her what on God’s green earth she had recommended, she responded with a bunch of laughing emojis! Alright, I’d better leave you to it. It’s late and I’m all tapped out. Thanks so much for stopping by. And thanks for taking the time out of your day to read my blog. I hope you enjoyed it. Have a great weekend!

Happy ‘May Day’!!


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