I just have one question, how is it September already??!! It was during September of last year that I began this blogging ‘adventure’ and I cannot believe how quickly the time has gone (as well as how much has happened)! Around this time last year, I was experiencing some pretty significant emotional lows and feeling incredibly lost. It was six months after I’d been laid off due to the Pandemic and my head was filled with vast amounts of negativity. That’s what tends to happen when I’m alone with my thoughts for too long. I was getting ready to board the ‘Straight Jacket Express’ because my mental health was spiraling out of control, and had life continued on as it had been, I was convinced my head would likely explode. For some reason, however, I got the idea to start a blog. I’ve always enjoyed writing and was hopeful that blogging might help me work through some issues. Putting pen to paper and writing in a journal was something I’d tried in the past but each time I’d try it, my entries would only manage to fill up a few pages before I’d lose interest and place the journal in the top drawer of my nightstand (on top of several others I’d given up on).
The first few weeks of my blog were difficult because not only was I out of practice when it came to writing, I had high expectations and had set up some pretty lofty goals. I set out to write every single day for a year solid and had hoped by doing so, I’d attract a publisher or a sponsor and find a means to make a living through blogging. The process of developing an audience went at about the same rate as my recent furniture sales, a slow trickle. During ‘week one’, I think I attracted a total of three followers. When I told my husband I had three followers, he was actually impressed. “Wow, at the rate you’re going,” he said, “You’ll have 300 before you know it!” I saw things from a much different perspective and more like a ‘glass half empty’ person. My response to his enthusiastic and supportive remark was a dismal, “I ONLY have THREE followers. WHOOPIE DOO!” There were countless times we’d have this ‘back and forth’, and each time he’d make a point to remind me why I started the blog in the first place. “Who are you doing this for?” he’d ask, “And why are you doing it?” He always knows the right questions to ask, and he was right, of course.
I was doing the blog for me (as a means to work through my ongoing issues) and had hoped that someday it might turn profitable, knowing full well that earning money (especially enough to sustain a living) was a longshot. I even tried writing out a check to myself (like Jim Carrey did) and visualizing my eventual success. I ran across the check yesterday and had to laugh. It started out on the refrigerator and then once we put the house on the market, I removed it from the refrigerator and placed it in an organizer in my office. Little good it did, I still haven’t made a cent. That’s ok though. I didn’t make any money but I did save myself a fortune on therapy. If this blog has done anything, it has ‘saved my hide’ on more than a few occasions. I have discovered so much about myself and why I am who I am today (the good, the bad, and the ugly). And I’ve also been able to come to terms with the fact that my family (for the most part) is a lost cause and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. I used to despair about how broken it was but now I’ve learned to accept it.
A couple of days ago, my sister ‘Cactus Annie’ sent me a ‘play by play’ of a lengthy text exchange she had with my brother ‘Wily Fox’. I’ve asked her several times not to forward me private conversations she’s had with others but my requests have fallen on deaf ears. My brother no longer speaks to her and has asked numerous times that she stop communicating with him, but she is relentless. I’ll be honest, out of curiosity I started to read what she had sent and then abruptly stopped. I’d been feeling really positive and upbeat prior to reading the ‘play by play’, but after only glancing at the first few sentences, there was a significant shift in my emotional state. When I saw my name referenced a couple of times, along with a few comments painting me in a negative light, my face became extremely hot and my blood began to boil. My sister loves to ‘stir the pot’ and it was apparent that she was at it again. One of the terms used to portray me was something to the effect of, “She’s up on her high horse.” That really pissed me off! And it wasn’t long before I got in touch with my old friend, ‘The Ruminator’.
I started questioning myself and my motives and whether I was a good sister or even a good person. Hearing from my sister and reading those few sentences really screwed with my head. I had been making great progress with packing and it all came to a screeching halt the minute I received a text alert on my phone and picked it up to read what was written. Why is it that I always get sucked in? Dumb, dumb, dumb!! There were quite a few things I wanted to say in response to the text, but rather than immediately writing back, I ‘slept on it’. The next day, I wrote the following to my sister, “Our family is a lost cause. It’s best to move past all of that and put your focus on making the most of what remains of your life.” She never responded. I know it was her hope to create a bunch of drama, which it did, but I certainly didn’t let her know how much I’d been negatively affected. She gets her jollies off of creating drama, and I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. Right after I sent that message to her, I called my brother ‘Clover’ and jokingly told him I was changing my number and only giving it to him, and that he was forbidden to share it with anyone else.
As much as I’d love to change my number, I’m not going to. I’ve had it for over 20 years and it’d be a pain to have to call or notify every single bank and utility and insurance company and friend in order to ‘update my info’. Not just that, knowing my luck, I’d end up with the number to a recently closed pizza joint, and repeatedly get calls for the ‘Pepperoni Special’. No, thanks. Rather than changing my number, I think I’ll have to put ‘Call Block’ or ‘Spam Block’ to good use (at least in the short run). I lost a lot of hours and energy the other day (after hearing from my sister) and I really don’t have time (or energy) to lose right now. Every second counts because so many major things are happening one right after the other. U-Haul is coming on Friday to pick up the crates (filled with all of our worldly possessions), and I still have packing and cleaning and selling and a few minor home repairs to do before then. And since I mentioned ‘selling’, I am proud to announce that every single, solitary, bulky piece of furniture has been happily ‘rehomed’. To my utter disbelief, the final one went out the door (in pieces) yesterday afternoon.
My trusty old entertainment center, the one my husband bought for me for our 7th wedding anniversary, is now residing in the office of the local bowling alley. The guy who bought it informed me that he was going to use it to house (and store) all of the security equipment and that he’d probably have to ‘butcher’ it to make it fit. He asked if I was bothered by his intentions. You know what? I’m not. At this point, we are at the eleventh hour and I’m just so glad it’s gone. I didn’t have to give it away and it didn’t wind up in the local landfill, so as far as I’m concerned, it’s a ‘win-win’. I still have lots of little things left to sell, but if they don’t before we ‘hit the road’, they’ll be much easier to put in the back of our pickup truck and haul to the nearest thrift store. With the way time is flying, we’ll be ‘hitting the road’ before I know it! When I think about all that I need to accomplish before that occurs, it’s tough not to develop a stomachache. Yesterday, I spent a couple of hours on the phone with the insurance company in order to get coverage on our new/old cargo trailer as well as update our residency and policies. I also called U-Haul to request coverage on our crates (and their contents).
Tomorrow will entail meeting with a lady who is buying our antique desk/table, repairing and painting the walls (where we removed pictures and TV mounts), arranging boarding for our dog, packing up the last few odds and ends, a trip to Albertson’s pharmacy for a prescription, a trip to T-Mobile to turn in my ‘signal booster’, a trip to the hazardous waste site to turn in a bunch of old motor oil, batteries, and assorted chemicals, making at least one of several trips to the thrift store (after loading up the back/bed of the truck with more donations), and cleaning the house from top to bottom. Oh my gosh, the thought of it all makes me tired! At least the end is in sight. A couple of months ago, I wasn’t sure any of it would even happen. Now, as I sit here, I think to myself, “Where has the summer gone and how is it September already?!” Please, can someone tell me what the heck happened to August? It’s all such a blur! Before I know it, I’ll have reached my goal of posting something every single day for a year. Once that happens, I have no idea how I plan to proceed. I love to write so I intend to continue, but how much and how often? I don’t have a clue. I suppose time will tell (once it’s done flying).
All right, I’d better go. Still so much to do and I cannot get it done as long as I’m parked in front of this computer. Have a fantastic day! Thanks for stopping by. And I hope you return again soon!! 🙂