October 3, 2020 – Ms. Ophonia, why did you choose me?

I would like to sincerely apologize to all of my former employers and co-workers for driving you nuts during the time we spent together. I am sure most of you breathed a sigh of relief when you learned I was leaving and didn’t have to deal with me any longer. I only recently discovered that I have a ‘condition’, or should I say, have had a condition. I think most of you know by now that I’m just a tad neurotic, but this takes it to a whole new level. I’ve been sensitive to sounds, particularly ones generated by humans, for a very long time. I only realized what I had going on due to a podcast that my husband was listening to that featured Sarah Silverman being interviewed by Dax Shepard. “Honey, you need to hear this, it’s you!” he said. Sarah had been discussing how certain sounds would literally drive her to having homicidal thoughts.

October 2, 2020 – Craigslist or Bust

Need a job, or looking for rental property, or maybe you want to purchase or sell a car? One word, Craigslist. It’s also a great site to check out if you need a laugh. I have come across so many unusual things that have completely baffled my mind, I cannot even begin to tell you! Today, while I was in the kitchen, my husband called out to me (from the office). “You need to look at the computer”, he said. “What’s going on?” I asked. “Just look!” he insisted. Folks, I think I have really, truly seen it all. Some gentleman has put under the ‘free’ column, that he has leftover bones from chicken dinner. Not even kidding. “I don’t like waisting stuff maybe you can use them to make arts and crafts with loved ones or can make a cool necklace or something ..idk.”

October 1, 2020 – The advantages of pants from a tomboy’s perspective.

It’s October already?! How is this even possible? Feels like I just got used to writing ‘2020’ on my checks (yes, I still write checks) and it’s nearly 2021!! Anyhow, today I thought I’d share a bit about personal wardrobe choices. Seems a bit trivial, I know, but that’s where my thoughts have been for most of the day. Now keeping in mind that I had eight siblings, 5 of whom were boys, 3 of whom were closest to my age, there was no shortage of pants in our family. The practice of ‘hand-me-downs’ was also quite common, as it seems to be with large families. Since the female nearest in age to me is/was 8 years my senior, ‘hand-me-downs’ from her were pretty much out of the question. My mom could ‘squeeze a nickel’ like no other, so it made sense that although I was a girl, sometimes you just have to make do with what you’ve got, right? The result? I often wore what my brothers grew out of. Let me be clear, that did not include any undergarments (unless you’re referring to socks). Speaking of undergarments, what’s up with thrift stores selling used underwear? I’m sorry, but I draw the line at used underwear. There is not enough bleach and detergent in this world and no amount of scrubbing that would convince me to put on a stranger’s old ‘drawers’. Frankly, I’d rather be naked. If you knew me, that’s saying a lot. Anyway, back to pants.

September 30, 2020 – Where to begin?

Where was it I left off? Oh, yes! I was born several decades ago, my name yet undecided when I made my initial appearance. But it wasn’t long before a suitable name was agreed upon and I became ‘official’. Days became weeks and weeks became months. I subsisted on Carnation Evaporated Milk, something I cannot stand the taste or smell of to this very day! I have few memories from the infant/toddler stages in my life but that is one that has lingered. There were 11 of us in the household with only one adult actually earning any money to provide for our needs. My father was an unsuccessful salesman throughout his adult life so my mom had to work in order to ensure we had enough to provide for our basic needs. Mom was a very proud person so she absolutely refused any government assistance, including food stamps, so we experienced some very lean years.

September 29, 2020 – ‘Formal’ Introductions

Hello, everyone. I decided to start this online journal/blog because I need a means to vent my frustrations and this is much cheaper than a therapist. What could really be so terrible, you ask? You want to know? Well, here it is. I WANT TO DIVORCE MY FAMILY. Seriously. Ok…maybe all but one or two. The rest? Well, they’re all insane. How do you mean? Hmmm…well, let’s go back to the beginning. It all started 53 years ago when I ‘left the safety’ of my mother’s uterus and was immediately welcomed by my father’s warm embrace. That is, of course, after being blinded by an extremely bright, overhead fluorescent light, screaming for a bit (because I was utterly naked and it was freezing!), getting a quick sponge bath and then swaddled in a blanket.